BOSTON GLOBE SPORTS SECTION COVERED IN FECES

In order the save fans their morning commute, the Boston Globe smeared liquid, chunk-flled feces on every sports section this morning. Since the Boston Red Sox stunning September collapse, the Globe has had such brilliant coverage as accusing Terry Francona of being addicted to pills via anonymous sources, accusing many players of failing to lead via anonymous sources, claiming Arian Gonzalez‘s brillaint year at the plate is discreted due to poor leadership and, yesterday, accusing Josh Beckett of being too fat.*

The two most obvious drug addict, 9/11 causing, KKK members I have ever seen. Damn you for causing the Sox collapse!

Today the paper took the coverage up a notch and had every sports reporter, led by legend Dan Shaughnessy, eat burritos, hot pockets and drink twelve cups of coffee in order to sprinkle enough feces to cover each individual paper. The online editions feature the Two Girls One Cup **video with a Dan Shaughnessy voice over.

The round the clock reporting has been journalism at its best: each anonymous source giving factual information we would never have heard, say… if they won.

The Boston Herald, often behind the Globe’s genius coverage, admitted “ew.”

- Mike Sweeney

*Seriously, click the link. The Boston Globe used ink, paper and manpower to explore if Josh Beckett was too fat. World War Z is soon…

**For the uninitiated: DO NOT GOOGLE THIS. For parents: DO NOT LET YOUR KIDS GOOGLE THIS!

Related: Braves jealous over Red Sox collapse.

2004, 2007 WORLD SERIES CHAMPION RED SOX STILL CURSED

BAMBINO!!!!!

Fine... I was the one who farted....

The curse is alive and well for the 2004, 2007 World Series winning Boston Red Sox. After last night’s late inning collapse to Orioles, coinciding with the Rays stunning comeback against the Yankees, the recent two time, clearly cursed champions are out of the playoff race. It. Doesn’t. Get. Worse.

(Unless you’re a Cubs, Indians, Astros, Padres, Orioles, Blue Jays, Nationals and Pirates fan)

CHOKAHS!! All of them! Will it ever end for sports’ second-winningest team of the decade /favorite losers? Every year they wallow in misery!* How can it get worse?** Hopefully Bill Simmons and Dan Shaughnessy can talk us off the ledge. Life (2004) is clearly not (and 2007) worth living.

- Mike Sweeney

*Except 2004

**Except 2007

Related: 2011 Red Sox challenge 1927 Yanks as Greatest Team Ever.