Give these pathetic men some damn respect already!

As more and more dirt comes out about the Boston Red Sox collapse and their possible involvement in the Holocaust, there is one team none too happy: the Atlanta Braves. “We collapsed just as badly, if not worse than those boys and what do we get? Nothing!” yelled an irate Tim Hudson. “It’s all regional bias,” claims Derek Lowe. “When I was with Boston and the Dodgers, our collapses were stuff of legends. Down here? No one cares. And that’s not good for the game.”

Many agree: former Red Sox manager Terry Francona thinks it is time for the media to relax on Boston sports. “They accused me of being addicted to pills. I. WAS. NOT. EVEN. ON. THE. FIELD.”

If anything, the Braves provided an even worse scenario; they lost to Tony LaRussa‘s Cardinals. LaRussa will surely use this as proof to defend his constant over-managing and inability to use less than four pitchers an inning. “They did not lose, we won,” said LaRussa. When a This Is The Sports reporter reminded him those mean the exact same thing, LaRussa snarled, clawed then retracted into his cave.

Yup. They lost to a team managed by Sloth from Goonies

The Braves will be haunted by the nation’s passive reaction to their pathetic September display. But also are worried for 2012. “The Mets look horrible,” said second baseman Dan Uggla. “Knowing them, we could blow a ten game lead in a week and people will still talk about how s***ty they are.”

The small market teams have to bite the bullet yet again.

- Mike Sweeney