Celtics brass are actively looking to grab more former all-star caliber players before the trade deadline. The aging roster of flailing ex-greats Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen is just not cutting it this season with a mediocre 14-10 record. But GM Danny Ainge* is not intimidated: “we are actively seeking ways to upgrade our roster with former All-Stars, or for a lower draft pick, someone who was remotely decent in as recently as 2002.”
*A man Oklahoma City Thunder fans affectionately call “God-Idiot.”**
The Celtics are reportedly interested in shell-of-their-former-selves Tracy McGrady,* Ben Wallace, Elton Brand and are interested in getting no-hope-for-himself-unless-he-wants-to-be-embarrassed Allen Iverson.
*Generously named Bleacher Report’s most overrated player way back in 2010!
“When you strike lightning in a bottle, what do you do? You buy more bottles,” said Danny Ainge methodically trying to perfect Five Finger Fillet on his desk.
This tactic is nothing new: the Spurs are also embracing the wisdom of age and have officially ordered their team to play the rest of the season sitting in recliners complaining about rap music.